Bananas!
Haha, writing this on Valentine's will make future divith so confused!
I think it was about three-four days ago.
My mortality and death have been on my mind, more so due to the Epstein case and the accident. Whenever death is mentioned around me, I just can't help but return to the time when I was in that accident.
It was just dark. Just dark. Nothing. Just blank. A permanent sleep.
I'm just terrified writing about it. I know I might live till 125-130 given tech's evolution, but still it's behind my back. Behind all of ours.
And I'm afraid even now.
But it's also made me pay attention more to the little things in life. Yes, I am disappointed about my phone usage and how it overwhelms my life, but there are some improvements.
I think back to a few days. For some reason, the amount of food I've eaten had made me constipated. I couldn't for the life of me manage to get a dump in.
So I complained. First to shrish, then to supra and then mom. But to mom it wasn't direct.
I'd started it off as 'Mom, I might need to eat more bananas. I just for the life of me am not able to poop.' She soon followed up - 'Do you want any?'
I'd laughed and told them not to worry as it was just a joke. But the next day, bananas were sitting in our fruit basket. That little act of appreciation is ,I think, something I might take to the grave. That is emblematic of what a mother she is.
Sure, we do have fights. We do argue, but man in the little things that count? I'm grateful to have her. I never have nor will ask for another mom. I love ya mom!
But this is what Shrishti pointed out to me today. Noting my slight unpreparedness for Valentine's, she'd complained about how I take stuff for granted. Take her for granted. Take 'us' for granted.
She'd asked me to put more efforts, or 'thoughtful efforts'. And I can't help but think she means something like mom had. She's right, ya know. I can't argue with that. I am lethargic and kinda inactive here which I do feel I need to put more effort in.
And I do get what she means. We ordered cake for mom today because she rarely celebrates Valentine's for papa. And I think she was overjoyed. She loved every second of it. I can't help but think sometimes that maybe this is what we live for.
To make people feel valued for their existence. To show them they're loved.
I think I need to be more thoughtful. I think I need to be a better human.
I can't help but feel slightly optimistic after discovering my mortality. I just feel I need to live more for others. Laugh more for others and help them realise what a joy they are. Make them realise how they've left an imprint on me that will disappear when I'm dust never disappear even when I'm dust.
Stop the phone. Stop the shows. Kiss your girl, hug your mom and tell your dad you're grateful that they exist.
Learn from the greats to be unashamed in the love you share.
Thanks shrish for this lovely Valentine's Day. I don't say it much, but you really have changed me for who I am. I'm grateful that we've spent so much time together.