Just An Ol' Winter Day
Just got offered a full-time with the dawg.
Do I like it? No, definitely not. I feel like I’m underpaying myself to do work that, in all honesty, doesn’t excite me much. Sure, anybody would love and I mean love this job. Decent pay, 5 days a week, checkout at 6PM. You'd say this is the holy grail.
But it's too cushy. I want to cuss at my boss. I want to be put through burning hell in the attempt of doing something next to impossible. I can't help but wanting to be Sisyphus.
Yet, I need this place for a few months. Why?
I need to crack finance. I want to go abroad and do a Masters In Finance and land a job either in Hedge Funds or PE. It's quintessential that I just do that.
Sure, the job is extremely comfortable. But that doesn't mean I can't take up more responsibilities. To crack 340/340 in the GRE and to get fit (again) is what I've zoned in myself on. The only reason 2026 is good, is because I put the effort in the last few months of 2025 to enjoy this. I applied to lossfunk doggedly, I sent 500+ cold mails last year so I can relax in 2026. So for 2027 to be even better, I just need to make 2026 tough on myself.
It's this mental model that I find myself embracing. When I received the offer, I expected myself to be insulted and disgusted by the low amount. But we're playing the long game. Startups will come and go, pay might be low now. But staying single-minded focus is all I need.
The goal is to retire mom and dad. This year is to becoming more responsible, reliable and independent.
I don't know. The accident made me feel really humiliated about myself. Realizing that what really matters is to fill each day with as much energy as possible. It's fruitless to not be yourself, to sugar-coat words to people. Boy! Why must we keep flattering ourselves, patting each other back while putting on fake faces, lying to people's face when your going to die anyway. To keep a truth hidden from another is killing them sooner.
I don't need to get mad at people, fight with Ma or sit on a high horse. Do we really have that much time?
This year is just a year of faithful preparation. Of as my founder puts it - doggedness in building yourself.