The Cyclicality of Life
A month after the accident, I took some effort into calling in people and checking in on them.
And yes, I'd vowed I wouldn't do that anymore, in a frail attempt of trying to distinguish 'true' friends from the rest, but in all honesty, does it really matter?
This high-handed smugness, I just couldn't find myself to accept. In all honesty, I don't necessarily need them to care for me or call me, so it's all, all good.
But I spoke to two of my friends (Hriday and Aryaman) and I couldn't help but think this. A year into working in corporate, freshly out of college and all of us are now working.
It's weird. It's unfamiliar. But it's also boring as hell.
I speak to most of my peers and their gripes all rhyme.
'I don't know what to do anymore, there's nothing fun'
'Ah, it's the same old. Nothing new, I'm just doing work'
'I'm tired here but I'll stay till my masters'
'Nothing too fun here'
'Is life just this? We wake up, work, return late into the night and then repeat this cycle?'
All the above effectively ask the same 'What are we doing here? Is this the point to life?' and I can't help but agree. Hell, I'm the same age so it's valid for me to hold these concerns too.
But as I think about it during my Wilderness Months after Superkalam, I was faced with these questions on a daily basis. However, I didn't have time to think about it, purely because I was dogged at landing a job.
When you're working, confident of receiving a credit of $X every month, asking questions like these is a privilege only a handful of us get. And while it would be equally appropriate to discard the above questions with that answer, I've come around to actually give it a thought. To ask myself the same questions because sooner or later I might face them on my deathbed.
In my opinion, most of these questions, though ridden with privilege are valid and correct to ask. However, to answer this I think looking at our habitats matter. We tend to discount the advantage our environment provides us with.
Our picture of environment is boring, always one of the three - surrounded by screens, concrete jungle or the hills. And that interpretation is primitive. I think our environment is richer and far more granular. Our schools, our households, our peer group, and the media we consume. All of these constitute our habitat in controlled but mixed proportions as we tend to grow up. And it's these mixed proportions that tend to allow us to enjoy a spontaneous, serendipitous life.
In school or university, the environment around you is constrained. The four walls, the school compound. Here, all interactions are contained, with a select pool of individuals only bearing access. You are aware of your goals since it is handed down to you -- score good grades, move to the next year. Win at sports or excel in an extra-curricular activity.
To achieve these goals requires you to interact, co-ordinate and survive. To pass in a subject you're struggling in, you make friends with people who can help you. Serendipitous events through competitions, debates and extra-curriculars allow you to expand your field of interaction to a contained yet like-minded audience. You make friends, you fall in love, you fight, you make up, you play, you learn and you grow. Exposed to a host of subjects, a variety of activities yielding a contained, directed life. The goalposts are defined for you. Serendipity occurs, but dictated by terms that are favorable to you.
A job on the other hand, is different. Goals are arbitrary. Reduce bugs by x%, fix dependancies by dd/mm/yyyy. You are a cog ensuring the company's survival. And look, that's not wrong. However, a consequence of this results in a misconception germinating in your mind.
You are led to believe that you are at the beck and call of the company. You are led to believe that you don't have the liberty to have personalized goals defined for you. Serendipity isn't a consequence of the environment as the goals aren't defined for you. Serendipity is optimized for the company's growth.
Now this might be a bad thing. But does it really matter? I can offer a poetic and vindicating explanation but will it change reality? All we can do is work around it. Augment my systems to adjust to this reality.
To do this requires ME to side-quest maxx. To sit weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly in front of a blank paper and actually plan out something. It can be stupid, it can be trivial.
Hell I WANT TO MAKE MORE FRIENDS. I WANT TO CLIMB EVEREST. I WANT TO RUN ULTRAS. All of these are goals I'm gunning for. Visions of myself I want to achieve and each of them bring with them smaller goals to built to.
To run a 100k ultra requires me run a 30k, then a 60k, then a triathlon or something else. It requires me to put in the work everyday until that big day keeps inching closer. That's the real fun.
And that's where I feel goal-setting has been super important for me this year. I want to live life meaningfully and that means goal-setting for ME. To accept the design of the world around me and plan to either a) change it or b) work around it but still kick ass.