The Fellowship
i'm watching the lotr films.
Man, Tolkien. What a writer. I mean, what a world. Entering into it feels like you're exploring something anew, a land of exoticism and mysticism.
It really is wonderful.
Gandalf's dialogue --
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
Echoes in my head since I saw it two days ago, now dictating every action I take. It is endearing. I do deeply enjoy it and hope to live by it.
I'm writing this in the backdrop of yet another war (Iran-US) and to compete with that, yet another fight (Me and Mom).
I remember writing of how pointless and petty are arguments are (blankets, lights, geyser). This time it was over Mom's hurry to order and slightly unruly behaviour.
She's begun acting more like a kid right now, hurriedly ordering, eating poorly and improperly, and overall driving badly. I'd lashed out admonishing her for this. While this would've been tolerated, saying 'I don't want to come out with you again', that's stretching it.
I don't know why this happens and I blame myself for it. If one envisions how words are uttered, it could be that we don't think about what we speak. I for one when gripped with emotions just don't.
I realised this a few days ago.
In the heat of an event, I alwasy default to an emotion anger, sadness, frustration and annoyance. I let it over-rule me, embrace me. Soon after that, I let it do some thinking for me.
A fruitful analogy would be -- imagine you've bought a house, but for every decision on the interiors, you call a new designer. Stupid, isn't it?
I tend to think --> act, in an uncouth manner. I let my emotions do the thinking and subsequently, the talking for me. Pathetic, yes. We're all similar to any ML model. We tend to criticize an LLM for not thinking before answering, or always demand pre-processing of data. Pre-processing of thoughts is something we need to do too. (I need to take note).
I've tried to do it. Today, before the fight broke out, I first diverted my attention towards eating a Chocobar to cool down (which did work), but it's a start. Swami Sarvapriyananda says something similar. In between the thought and the decision to act, there lies a small instant where you can take a decision on how to act too. Mastery in that is what's required.
On the side, all's well on the home front. I am trying to look to switch to a better job (in work and pay) and feel like my luck mostly will fan out to something successfuly (Plum, I hope :)) But anywho. With lossfunk now over (man that week was titanic), I'm trying to find a new passion to undertake. GRE is something that I am looking forward too, and designing a good operation is something I need to do.
I came across my 2026 goal list. And despite three months in, it still feels possible. Head down and keep working. We can do it. I've kept a print out of it by my side too, so let's hope!